Nico's Adventures in Shaving
by NofankOrahj
Summary: Nico di Angelo hasn't been acting himself lately, and the situation is getting hairy. Percy and Jason decide they mustache the son of Hades a few questions, and possibly to shave him before it's too late. Embarrassed!Nico. BoO Spoiler. R&R. One-shot. BrOTP Jasico


**Nico's POV**

"Nico, wake up," someone called. I ignored them and drifted back into that lovely dream about the latest Mythomagic expansion deck. The Zeus figurine was talking in a girlish voice that sounded suspiciously familiar. It was kinda funny.

"Wake up, Death Boy. Don't make me pour ice water on your head," he threatened.

I scoffed. "You're a toy. I doubt you could even move a limb, much less pour water on me. Besides, how are you even talking?" I retorted to the statue. Then Thanatos showed up wearing a Hawaiian skirt, and holding a coconut.

" 'Blah blah blah' yourself. I don't speak that language," Thanatos huffed, he too sounding very familiar. My brain was too foggy to be processing whatever was happening. Zeus, whose voice I thought sounded like Annabeth's, turned to Thanatos.

"Well what are we supposed to do?" he asked. "He's your cousin." Thanatos didn't say anything for a while.

"I guess we pour water on him," he decided.

"Do your thing, Seaweed Brain," Zeus told him. Wait . . . Seaweed Brain? The weird voices . . . ? The chilly water hit me like an electrical shock, and I jumped out of bed cursing profusely in Italian. I stood up and shook my wet hair out of my eyes.

I clenched my teeth and glared at the two people in front of me. "I swear on the Styx, whoever's idea that was, I'll -"

Annabeth folded her arms calmly. "Relax, Nico. It's just us." Percy stood behind her smiling apologetically in that infuriatingly cute way that used to annoy the living Hades out of me when I still liked him. I scowled at them grumpily when Percy gave me a weird look from behind the protection of Annabeth's shoulder.

"What do you want?" I growled. I had to squint to allow my eyes to adjust to the light in my cabin because of the open curtains. Gods, why did it have to be so bright?"

"It's past eleven, almost twelve," Annabeth told me, and tapped her watch. "You missed half the day already."

I shrugged and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Don't really care." My stomach roared like a starving lion. Annabeth smirked. "Never mind," I muttered, and made a shooing motion at them. "Go. I'm not getting naked in front of you two, so go. Outta my cabin."

As I shut the door behind the two sleep interrupters, I swear I heard Percy say, "See, I told you he's violent when you fist wake him up." I rolled my eyes and looked on the ground for some clothes that weren't filthy. It kind of made me slightly embarrassed, because at least three pairs of boxers were on the floor when a girl was in my cabin. Awkward.

I threw on the usual dark tee shirt, black jeans, aviator jacket and combat boots, and quickly ran through my hair with my fingers. After taking a quick peek in the mirror, I headed towards the door. I stopped in my tracks while confusion rattled my foggy brain. Shaking my head, I backed up and did a triple take at the mirror. My jaw dropped in horror as I saw my reflection.

Screw lunch.

**Percy's POV**

I was a little more worried when Nico still didn't show up for our noon meal. I can understand missing a meal for a few extra hours of shuteye, but two? That's just unnatural. Not at all. I couldn't convince Annabeth to come with me to his cabin again, mostly because she had to teach Greek. So I marched all alone up to Cabin Thirteen and rapped loudly on the door.

"Go away," came the angry, muffled reply. I sighed.

"Nico, it's me, Percy."

He snorted. "Well, no duh. Who else would bother me this many times in the same day? Now leave me alone." I leaned against the door impatiently.

"Come on. What's wrong? You can tell me."

"No, I can't. You wouldn't get it."

I groaned in frustration, when an idea hit me. Maybe Will would know why Nico was acting so strange.

* * *

><p>According to Will Solace, Nico had been his sarcastic, moody self for the past few days. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Even still, I asked the son of Apollo to come down to try and talk Nico out of - whatever he was doing that made him want to be a hermit. And for the third time today, I knocked firmly on the Hades Cabin door.<p>

"Percy," he growled, "I told you to quit bugging me. I'm not coming out." The tone of stubbornness in his voice was completely characteristic of him, so no emotional trauma or anything like that. This time, Will spoke first.

"Nico, it's Will here. Why aren't you coming out? You've missed two meals already. You're not going to eat?" Solace's voice was reasonable and calm. Nico didn't say anything for a while.

"Just go," he said gruffly. "I'm not hungry."

"But Jason is here," I insisted desperately. "Don't you want to see him? He'll be disappointed." No answer for a few seconds.

"Fine," the son of Hades sighed. "Just give me a few minutes to get ready." I breathed deeply. Phew. That was easier than I hoped.

**Jason's POV**

I got to admit. I love my job as pontifex maximus. I get to travel back and forth from my two favorite places in the universe: Camp Jupiter, and Camp Half-Blood. I was stoked to see Piper and Leo again, especially after he returned from death with Calypso. And Annabeth, Percy and Nico, of course. Speaking of him, he didn't show up at his table for a while, and when he did, the collar on his jacket was flipped up so I could only see his dark, solemn eyes. I grinned at my friend. He waved back awkwardly, and sat down on the bench. I raised an eyebrow playfully.

"Cold, isn't it?" I quipped. Nico groaned and devoured his food hungrily, being careful not to let me get a good look at his face. He kept glancing up at me nervously, then averting his eyes as soon as I would meet them. I set my loaded fork down and leaned forward.

"Okay, Nico. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" he exclaimed indignantly. "Why is everybody suddenly so worried about me? I'm just _fine_, thank you very much." Nico snatched his plate off the table and stormed off to his cabin. I sat there for a few minutes, feeling confused. Why had Nico been so touchy? I stood up and walked over to the neighboring Poseidon table, where Percy was chowing down on some blue lasagna. He looked up and smiled. I set my plate down next to him and sat down.

"Has Nico been acting weird lately?" I asked, before taking a gulp of Mountain Dew.

"Actually, yeah. He didn't come out for breakfast, or lunch," Percy replied.

"What do you think is the matter?"

He shrugged cluelessly. "Annabeth and I can't figure out. By the way, where is Nico? I woulda sworn I saw him a minute ago." I smiled ruefully.

"I asked him if he was okay, and he blew up in my face and stormed off with his food."

Percy frowned. "Weird."

I nodded enthusiastically. "No doubt about that." We ate in silence for a few minutes before a plan started to form in my head. "In the morning, we need to have a talk with him."

**Nico's POV**

No way was I going out looking like this. It had gotten even worse since yesterday. I couldn't help panicking: how was I supposed to get rid of it? I'd rather eat a Hellhound than be seen with it on me, but last night's dinner wasn't holding over this morning. So I drank tap water and sucked it up. It really was my fault, anyway. I should be looking in the mirror more often, even if Hazel hadn't asked me to. Then maybe my 'condition' wouldn't be so bad. At anyrate, I was stuck in my cabin until I could think of what to do. Would it have to be surgically removed? I wondered nervously. I shook my head to clear my thoughts just as soon as another obnoxious knock sounded from my door.

**Jason's POV**

The plan was simple. Percy and I gathered Piper, Will and Chiron together, to either break into the Hades cabin by force, or to talk it out with Nico. I tapped the door with my fist. Loud cursing in Greek, English and Italian came freely from behind the door in the most colorful ways imaginable. You would not believe how many insulting uses the word 'molar' has. After Nico was finished with his multilingual rainbow of cussing, Piper called out to him in a voice dripping with charmspeak.

"Nico, we just want to talk to you," my girlfriend said, and immediately, I wanted to talk so bad. Please? Could we talk now? Nico was silent for a few moments.

"Piper, stop trying to charmspeak me. Everybody, LEAVE!"

"Once you give a reasonable explanation to your strange behavior," Chiron reasoned.

"I don't want to," the son of Hades said stubbornly. "It's embarrassing."

"It can't be that bad," Will prodded.

"But it is!" Nico insisted.

Percy cracked his back and his knuckles. "Then in that case," he said pleasantly, "we'll have to break in.

Nico scoffed. "You wouldn't."

I smiled. "Would we?" Percy slammed into the door.

"You can't break it. It's enchanted," the son of Hades taunted.

"But I'm sure you'll let us in, won't you?" Piper asked."

"Of course!" Nico replied cheerfully, but then his tone changed. "Stop! This isn't funny! Just go! Leave me be! I -"

"Open the door, Nico," Piper said forcefully. "We need to help you." No reply.

"Fine!" he gasped, breaking from the mental struggle. "You can send one person in. Only one. It has to be a guy."

"Jason," Percy volunteered me. Will, Piper and Chiron nodded. I sighed and slipped into the slightly open door of the cabin. Nico was facing away from me with his arms crossed. I closed the wooden door behind me.

"Well?" I asked him. " 'Fess up, Nico. What's the big deal?" He turned towards me, a humiliated look on his face. His face! I stifled a laugh. "That's what this was about?" Nico stared murderously at me.

"Quit laughing," he ordered, but I couldn't help cracking up.

"You missed three meals . . . because you grew a beard?" I cackled, stumbling backwards and clutching my stomach.

"It's not funny," Nico complained. I tried to reign in my laughter. "I need help, uh, getting rid of it."

"Do you have a razor?" I asked him.

"Uh, no."

"Shaving cream?"

"Only soap."

"That won't work," I told him. "Well, it will, but it will hurt. I'll run to my cabin to get some of my own. Be right back."

"Make it quick," Nico replied grumpily. I turned on my heel and chuckled to myself as I opened up the door to find an expectant Percy, Chiron, Will and Piper staring at me. Percy shot me a questioning look as I walked toward the Zeus cabin. I mouthed, Tell you later. He nodded.

Nico was waiting impatiently for me on the edge of his bunk, scratching his ridiculously patchy facial hair, that couldn't really be called a beard.

"Why does it itch so much?" he demanded. I set down the shave gel, two razors, and aftershave on the black marble counter in the bathroom.

"Your skin isn't used to the rough hair on your face. The shaving gel should help with that." Nico followed me into the bathroom, and I turned on the sink. He watched me warily. "Splash your face with water once it starts to warm up," I instructed. "You, uh, may need to pull back your hair." He scowled while I said this. A drawer he opened revealed a brand new package of hair ties in bright colors. I coughed to cover my laughing.

"Not a word about this, Grace," Nico growled, "Not a word." He pulled his raven black hair back into a single, with a few stray strands in back and in front. His scraggly beard thingy didn't hide his blush. I coughed again and resumed business mode.

"I guess I'll just walk you through the whole process, while doing myself. Like I said, splash the warm water on your face for a minute or so." I cupped my hands into the sink and splashed the water onto my face repeatedly, and Nico did the same. I dabbed the towel with my hands and uncapped the shaving gel. "Rub this onto your face, and neck. You might want to take off your shirt. It'll probably get wet," I advised.

Nico huffed. "You're a pervert. I'm not taking my shirt off." I shrugged and started lathering my face with the gel.

"Suit yourself. And you're one to be talking about being gay." He glared at me and slapped some shaving cream onto his cheek. Once he was done, I inspected my own application of the stuff in the mirror. "Alright, next, take your razor, and bring it along the side of your jaw going inward very -"

"Ow!" Nico yelped, and red started to stain the white cream on his jawline.

"Gently," I sighed ruefully, and finished the stroke, leaving a flesh colored line on my face.

By the time Nico finished nicking every inch of skin on the lower half of his face, most of the beardy thing was gone. There were still a few spots that I went over myself, as to leave some part of his face unscathed. I breathed deeply in relief.

"Okay. Now for the aftershave." I poured a little into my hand and rubbed it into my face, ignoring the sting. Nico followed suit, and howled loudly, dropping the bottle. I face palmed. Really, Nico. The almighty son of Hades himself screams at the slight sting of aftershave.

"How is this supposed to help?" he hissed angrily.

"It closes the pores so you don't get acne all over your face," I replied wearily. Nico looked murderously at me for the umpteenth time today.

"You said it wasn't supposed to hurt," he accused.

"I never said that."

"I'm still going to kill you."


End file.
